Here I am, taking a deep breath, wondering where in the world I’m going to start. It’s been a while, friends. A lot has happened, in equal amounts of tragedy and grace. Even though I have been sporadic in posting, this space now provides a home for the things I can’t yet say out loud or am still processing through. I am so grateful you stopped by!
A little over a year ago, I sat across from one of my closest friends, sobbing in fear.
“What are you most afraid of?,” she said.
“I’m scared my brother will die.”
“Okay. That probably won’t happen soon, but let’s just say it does. What would you do?”
“I don’t know,” I replied. “I suppose Jesus would carry me through.”
I never wanted to learn this from experience, but I am in the darkest of ways and I need you to know that Jesus is carrying me through.
Dear ones, I can’t even begin to tell you why I spent years battling this paralyzing fear before the accident. I have no idea why this happened. I don’t understand why Kendall was taken from us so soon. The list of unknowns is long and continues to grow. But there is One Known that continues to calm my soul, restore my hope, and defeat every unknown.
It’s very fitting that my season of unsettledness and constant “HELP ME” prayers is during Advent. This Christmas, more than ever, I want to hold the hands of those who are grieving, brokenhearted, afraid, and just “getting through the holidays,” because friends, Advent is for us.
Do you know why Christmas morning is so full of joy?
It’s because during the seasons leading up to the Holy Birth, the unknown lists were longer than mine. The people, like us, were desperate and longing for answers. They couldn’t believe the terrible things happening in their world and they needed much more than a King, they needed a Savior. Mary did not KNOW what was happening. Joseph is just holding on with all he has, hoping he’s doing the right thing. They blindly apply the promises they have been given and stand firm in their belief, even though everyone around them disapproves. Even though they are shaking to their core with doubt and distress.
This can all seem so obvious to us because we have the ultimate privilege of knowing how the story unfolds. The promised Savior comes, you guys! To save us!
The people couldn’t have seen it coming, even if they tried. A Savior? In a manger? Certainly not.
That’s the truth we have the joy of savoring! We do not know what will come of the tragedy and sadness surrounding us or what to do when our worst fears consume us and come true. But, we can rest in this truth:
“The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shone…For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”
-Isaiah 9:2-6 (emphasis mine)
The same God who crafted the most glory-filled story of all time is still writing the same story through me and you. If you’re lacking things to celebrate this season, cling to this hope. I’ll be right there with you!